A bit of writer’s block held up this bad boy, folks. Well, maybe “writer’s block” is overstating it somewhat—it’s a blog after all, not some literary masterpiece—but the words weren’t flowing, and I wasn’t feeling in a typing mood, so it was a block of some kind. “Blogger’s block”, perhaps. Yeah, that’ll do! Heh heh. At any rate, let’s get down to business.
September was pretty sparse, in terms of bookings, unfortunately. I had two, originally, but one kinda fell through. Kinda. I had arranged a booking with a guy I’d dealt with twice this year. On both occasions, there were no issues or hiccups, and the guy was quite sound. As the date got closer, I e-mailed him to confirm all was cool for the show, and he never got back. Another guy from the promotion did, however, and let me know that they couldn’t afford to have me in, after all. I was fairly pissed, to tell the truth, especially since I’d already paid for the flights, and they were no good to me, then. That said, the guy who let me know was pretty sound about it, has since tried to make it up, and actually had the courtesy and respect to fill me in on what was going on- which is more than could be said for the fella I’d dealt with previously- so it’s not a major deal. It IS a shame, but sometimes, things fall through. It’s just the nature of wrestling.
A show I was due to work on in Sheffield, actually, three years ago- which potentially could’ve been pretty huge if it went ahead- was postponed and eventually cancelled; this was particularly disappointing as I was due to work in a fatal four way match with Austin Aries, whose work I really enjoy. Last year, as well, I was booked on a five date tour of Germany with SWO in June, but the promoter went missing, and was found dead by his own hand shortly after that. Extremely tragic. I’d done two shows for him previously, and he was very kind to me; it was a real shame what happened. A cautionary tale, perhaps, that promoting wrestling isn’t for everyone, and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
The one date I did have in September was a lot of fun; I débuted for Total Action Wrestling (TAW) in Milton Keynes. The flight over to Luton Airport on the Saturday morning was mercifully quiet—no rowdy hen parties, no loud Geordies bellowing a running commentary of what they could see out the window, no Cork DJs exposing (and pleasuring) themselves while out of their heads on booze and/or narcotics! Heh heh. The quiet was conducive to a bit of light reading, and I managed to get through Joe Penhall’s play ‘Blue/Orange’ on the way over, which was very good indeed. I did some acting classes this year- and last- and have really gotten into reading plays as a result. I even actually had a public performance this year, where I played the character “Vinnie” in Sam Shepard’s ‘Simpatico.’ It was only a short ten minute scene, but it was a pleasant intro to acting publicly, and I really enjoyed it; a nice accompaniment to the theatrical side of wrestling, and just great fun, in general. Wrestling will, I would imagine, always be my primary outlet for creativity and whatnot, but I do really like acting, too, and plan to do more of it early next year. Anyway…
The TAW experience was a very enjoyable one. Steve, the promoter, was a really nice guy, and put me up for the evening after the show. He & his wife were exceptionally kind and welcoming. The wrestling equivalent of the “carney code” is something I’ve found really great over the years; the fact that people would have me in their homes, having never set eyes on me before, is amazing to me. Not to go all Tennessee Williams here, but if I’ve experienced anything during my years travelling around wrestling, it’s the kindness of strangers! (“STEELLLLLAAAAA!!!!”) It’s never easy being away from home and in an unfamiliar place, so I will always be grateful to those who have agreed to let me stay with them. I’m a fairly cynical guy, but my faith in humanity has been somewhat restored over the last few years; somewhat, I should say. I’m still very cynical!
I’ve been asked by a few people down through the years what the best and worst things about wrestling are, from my own experience. Aside from the in-ring stuff, which is definitely my favourite part, amusingly, one answer covers both of these two extremes: the people. Some people I’ve met over the past five and a half years have been- to be frank- complete and utter assholes. Veterans trying to throw their weight around. Conceited dickheads with an overblown idea of their own importance. Bullies taking liberties with younger/smaller guys in the ring. Patronising/mendacious slimeballs who think you can’t see through their bullshit. The list goes on. Other people I’ve encountered, though, have been absolutely bang-on (Irish slang for “sound”), and I’m really grateful to have had the chance to meet them. I’ve made some great friends over the last few years through wrestling, and the travel has allowed me to meet some terrific people that I ordinarily never would’ve crossed paths with. Case in point: Lewis Cooper.
I met Lewis early that day when I sat in on a TAW training class, and we hung out in Milton Keynes for the afternoon. I don’t think I’ve ever clicked with someone so quickly! Our mutual appreciation for Alan Partridge and Father Ted- along with my ability to take his casual anti-Irish racism with gentle, good humour- meant we pretty much got on like a house on fire; a house engulfed in flames, with its screaming occupants still inside. Anyway, spending time with Lewis put me in good humour, and the usual awkwardness of meeting an entire locker room of new people dissipated. The rest of the TAW lads were extremely nice, at any rate. A really, really sound bunch of guys.
I was due to work Blue Lightning in a singles match, and was looking forward to a nice, fast-paced ‘face-vs-‘face affair. It got changed on the day, though, so Blue & I ended up tagging, to face Jet Valentine and Shane Summers, which was very enjoyable too. Shane & Jet were great to work with, and Blue was a cool partner; aside from Lewis and Steve, I probably chatted to him the most while in TAW, and he’s a really nice guy. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who’s into parkour/free running, which I find very interesting. Under controlled circumstances, it’s something I’d love to try, myself, sometime! The match went well, despite a minor wardrobe malfunction on my part! Shane backdropped me onto the apron at one point, and my pants came down when he was guiding me to the apron with his arm—I should note that this was on the side of the ring that was facing the majority of the fans, so the potential for an international incident was heightened dramatically! Thankfully, I always wear base layer shorts (or ‘Under Armour’) under my wrestling gear, and they’re pretty much skin-tight, so what’s left of my dignity remained intact! It was a fun match, anyway, and the Blue Lightning/Bingo Ballance combo proved to be a winning one, as we put Jet away with a G-17 (from me), and Blue’s sweet Swanton bomb. Jeah!
I also took part in the Rumble match later on the show, which was… memorable, to say the least. The Rumble itself was grand, and was the usual standard fare. I got myself chucked out, and was lying on the floor, selling briefly, before heading to the back. For some reason, this former-wrestler-turned-valet went out of her way to walk over to me. She was heel, and I was ‘face, so I remained in character and told her to keep her distance. She kept approaching, so I told her to back off. She went to grab me, so I shoved her to the ground, and began strangling her, in full view of the shocked audience. A few TAW trainees, acting as security, came to drag me off, and usher me to the back, but I broke free, ran back, and resumed strangling her, and raining blows down on her. The trainees, this time, managed to prise me off her, and get me backstage, as an awed hush came over the crowd.
Ok. Heh heh. That’s not really what happened. Like the film ‘Clue’ (based on the board game Cluedo), which had several alternate endings, this is what REALLY happened… (Clue is a great film, by the way—very funny, indeed.)
I got chucked out, the valet walked over, I told her to keep her distance, and to back off. She shoved me hard, once I got to my feet. I pushed her back, and she slapped me pretty much full-force. I, in turn, slapped her back, though not nearly as hard. It was more to say “cop the fuck on to yourself, will you?” She was shocked, and pissed with the retaliation, and I just headed to the back. Later, after the show, and about 45 minutes later, she was walking around holding her face, with this pathetic hang-dog expression on it, moaning to everyone that “the Irish guy hit me.” I don’t champion violence against women, but if someone hits me, I’m gonna hit them back, regardless of the gender. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. I don’t know why she got involved in my business—we had nothing to do with each other earlier in the card, or in the Rumble, and it appeared that she was just trying to get herself over, for some reason, despite the fact that she was a heel, and just there to valet. We were chatting away earlier backstage, and got along well, so I really don’t know how it got to where it did, but shit happens. I regret that the incident happened, but I don’t regret doing what I did. The only thing I’d change is the trajectory of my slap, as it wasn’t the most accurate, and I think I caught her beside the nose; what can I say? I’m not used to hitting women!
Having spent the majority of the day getting along well with the TAW lads, I thought that the slap was gonna get me heat with them, and rule out any chance of coming back. Quite the opposite, actually. I got a few pats on the back, and high-fives, and the guys didn’t treat me any differently, which was a relief.
Backstage atmosphere is a major factor with me regarding bookings and so forth, and TAW’s was excellent. Definitely hope to head back there at some stage. The flight home from Luton was disastrous, delayed by four hours, for some reason. Whiling away the hours was irritating, and I was very glad to eventually get back home to Dublin, even if it was lashing rain!
Wrestling-wise, that was it for September which was, I believe, my least active month since February, unfortunately. It’s not for a lack of trying. I mentioned earlier that “the people” would be among the best and worst things in wrestling; well, one of the other “worst things” would be the process of sending off mails, applying for bookings. It is horrible, and soul-destroying, and is analogous to firing out CVs, looking for a job. The majority of the time, you don’t hear back from people, or you’ll get a “we’ll keep you in mind for future shows” kinda deal, which is the equivalent of “we’ll keep your CV on file.” As awful a process as it is—and it is awful—sometimes, it pays off, and is worth the hassle.
October was a more active month, and I shall deal with it in the next blog. Hopefully, I’ll have a bit more to write about next time! ‘Til then, take care.
Ballance
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