- originally written May 5th, 2012-
Hey, folks. Been quite a while since I did one o’ these. Sometime last year, if memory serves.
My last show was at the end of November for Total Action Wrestling, in Dunstable. Since then, I’ve been enjoying an extended break. Without really realising it, half a year has passed since I’ve been in the ring; definitely the longest time I’ve been away since I started wrestling in 2005.
Do I miss it? Well, yes and no. I miss parts of it. I miss the actual matches- planning them, executing them, performing, meeting fans; what drew me to it, in the first place. That’s what I love- and have always loved- about wrestling. It was a creative outlet for me; a chance to go out there, and try to create something special, something memorable.
As much as I’m tempted to say I’m out with an injury or something, that’s not really the case. I could easily say something like, I dunno, I suffered a distended anus from a top rope legdrop gone horribly wrong, or my head came off from a slightly overzealous Yakuza kick- and had to be reattached- or I spontaneously combusted in the middle of a tornado tag match, but it’s bullshit. Fact is, while I did have some lingering knocks or niggles, it was nothing that I couldn’t work through, or haven’t previously worked through.
The break, more than anything else, was a mental one. A chance to clear my head and, frankly, come up for air.
Don’t get me wrong: I love wrestling, and have really enjoyed being a part of it. The problem was that I was too into it, prior to this. It was all-consuming. It would be on my mind throughout the day. Spots I wanted to try, lines I wanted to use for promos, tracks that would make good entrance music, reminding myself to send off a mail to ‘X or Y promotion’ about an upcoming show, and so forth. Bingo was in control, and Gary took a backseat. That’s the best way that I can describe it.
These past six months or so have been refreshing, as I’ve felt a bit of a weight come off my shoulders, and have felt more like myself again. I’ve enjoyed, actually, the simple pleasure of just watching wrestling again. Just watching and enjoying, rather than analysing or picking out spots that would be cool to use. (Subconsciously, I think I still do it, but it’s not as distracting as it was before.)
Describing a “weight” coming off my shoulders might give the wrong impression of my feelings towards wrestling; like I don’t miss it. I do. I find it hard watching back old matches. I found a match from 2010 online earlier this year, where I teamed with Shawn Maxer against Damien Corvin and Silas Black. Watching it, and remembering the fun I had that night, and how much of a buzz it was, was… difficult. I’ve a wardrobe/closet/whatever you want to call it, at home for my wrestling gear, and I’ve found it tough, too, opening it. (Not physically—some WD40 would clear that right up.) Hearing the likes of ‘Map of the Problematique’ and ‘Closer to the Edge’, too, have been reminders, as I used them both as entrance tracks, so they’re emotionally bound-up with all the feelings I’d have in my head when I go out to face an audience.
I’ve had other people in my life, too- folks not involved with wrestling- ask me about it, and I’m never really sure what to say. “I’m taking a break” is the usual soundbite, but I find it extremely hard to describe why, exactly. Even now, I don’t really know how to get across the reasons for just wanting to step away for a bit.
As many sound people as I’ve met through wrestling, there have been a lot of arseholes too. I heard a quote once, that was attributed to Robbie Williams, and it always stuck with me, as it gave an interesting insight into his frame of mind. I’m paraphrasing, but the gist of it was that he could go out every night to an arena full of people that loved him, adored him, and sang his lyrics back at him, but it would be the people that told him he was shit that stuck in his head. In a way, towards the end of last year, I started to feel like that. As many good things I got from wrestling; as many enjoyable matches I had or genuinely nice people I met, the bad experiences, the bullshit, and the arseholes stuck with me, and I got bogged down in it.
I needed a reprieve.
Since leaving Irish Whip in 2009, I’ve been firefighting, in a sense. Rather than have a regular place to work, I’ve had to fight for bookings, to stay on my game- send the emails, keep up contacts, network, and so forth. 2010 was fine, and it was a busy year. 2011 wasn’t as busy, and I put the largest portion of that blame pie on my plate. (With a dollop of cream.)
There were places I’d worked in 2010 that I could’ve exploited for further bookings, but I chose not to. (That’s not intended to sound big-headed, even though I appreciate how that comes across.) Fact is, I didn’t like the way some promoters/promotions did business, or didn’t like the atmosphere in their place, so didn’t go back. Simple as that. “Simples” as the animated muskrat says. (Is it… is it a muskrat?)
Yes, it was very much a case of cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I’m a stubborn bastard, as anyone who knows me will tell you…
Last year, I got involved with DCW. In a way, I’m curious what would’ve happened if I hadn’t. The road not taken, as they say. Though I had some good matches there with Vic Viper and Andy Phoenix, got a chance to do some creative promos, and was able to work locally (saving myself the hassle of travelling abroad) the overall experience left a bad taste, and no desire to work so close to home again.
Once the end of the year approached, like Mr Williams, the bad stuff started to outweigh the good, and I just said ‘fuck it.’ I stopped trying to fight the tide, to keep the bookings going, and just let go. And it felt good.
Months have passed and, while I do miss being in the ring, I’ve enjoyed having the time to do other stuff. I did another acting course this year, and it was excellent. A thoroughly enjoyable and insightful class by Terry McMahon (director of the upcoming ‘Charlie Casanova’) that actually helped me see wrestling in another light, as well as just being great fun, and a chance to do something else I liked.
Over the years I’ve been involved in wrestling, I’ve seen other guys take breaks, or just stop doing it. (I don’t use the word retire, incidentally. That’s one of my big pet peeves with wrestling at this level, guys with less than twenty matches using the phrase ‘retire’ or ‘I’m retiring from wrestling’ along with people describing themselves as being ‘in the business’ or saying they ‘have heat’ with someone, when they simply don’t like them. No offence to those that do use the lingo- it just ain’t for me. I’m sure there’s stuff I do that annoys other people.)
Some guys who have been away will usually have some kind of a spark that gives them the itch to want to get back in the ring. When The Rock came back last year, Facebook lit up with a load of posts from guys looking to get back into it. A friend of mine took a break for a while, but was drawn back by seeing a CM Punk/Daniel Bryan match on SmackDown. Chris Jericho admitted in interviews that seeing the WrestleMania 23 match between John Cena and Shawn Michaels is what helped inspire him to come back. Anything can do it. Another friend of mine was inspired to come back by a dream he had! (An actual dream, not the figurative use of the word.)
I’m not there yet. I haven’t had my epiphany, or my inspirational ‘Eureka!’ moment. Maybe it’s not coming.
Next month, I’m back to WrestleZone in Aberdeen; a place- and promotion- that I always enjoy travelling to. (As mentioned in previous blogs.) I have friends there, and think a great deal of the place. I genuinely hope- and I’m probably jinxing the experience by saying this- that it’ll be a pleasant reminder of what I’m missing, and how much I want to continue doing it. Time will tell.
In August, I’m doing another show over here, for the débuting CCW promotion. Wrestling in Ireland is a major fucking headache, all told, but it’s a new setup, and the guy in charge seems bang-on (or “sound”) so we’ll just see how it goes.
Wait-and-see. Pretty shitty way to wrap this up, isn’t it? Heh heh. Apologies, dear reader, but this is still a work in progress. Now we play the waiting game………
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Ah, the waiting game sucks. Let’s play Hungry, Hungry Hippos!
That’s that for the wrestling portion of this bad boy, anyhow. Now for the random asides…
Really gotten into Arrested Development during the last few months, thanks to a recommendation from a friend of mine. Cheers, Ger. Any salads? (Bit of an in-joke, there.) Excellent show. Definitely one of the wittiest American comedies I’ve ever seen. Naturally, it would have to get cancelled…
Also started watching The Killing- the US version. Not 100% sure how I feel about it. It’s watchable enough, but the characters are incredibly annoying and badly-written, particularly the younger characters on the show; they only serve to annoy the adults, and be grating. The only halfway-likeable guy was turned evil towards the end of the first season, while the female lead is such a cold, unlikeable bitch, it’s genuinely hard to care about her. Wait, why am I watching this again?!
Cabin in the Woods was outstanding. I’ve always enjoyed Joss Whedon’s work (being a fan of Buffy, Angel and Dollhouse, in particular. Firefly, too, is on my ‘to-watch’ list.) This was superb. A really creative and inventive take on the genre, and bloody clever too. Great blend of humour and horror. This year, I’ve also seen and liked Chronicle, Safe House, The Muppets, Contraband and The Hunger Games. Looking forward to seeing The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises, too; the latter, in particular. The trailers have been deadly so far.
I actually bypassed anger, recently, when a woman driver cut me up on the Malahide Road roundabout in Swords (north Dublin.) I was so shocked and outraged that I couldn’t find the horn to blast at her! That was definitely a first! I’m not a rage-a-holic in the ol’ car, but I definitely have my moments.
I’m not a big ‘gamer’ by any stretch, but I p-p-p-picked up a PS3 last year, and have really enjoyed playing the likes of LA Noire and Arkham Asylum, along with some of the WWE titles, like WWE ’12. Games have come a long way since the classics of my day, like Clayfighter 33.3…
Had a chance to read the Alan Partridge ‘autobiography’ just after Christmas. Great attention-to-detail for fans of the series, and very amusing indeed. Apparently, there’s a film on the way—much as I like the series, I’m always a little cautious about TV comedies being turned into films. There’s not a great precedent for success in this department, but I hope I’m wrong.
A shout-out and ‘thanks’ to my friend Seán for hassling me to do another one of these! That was some quality badgering, man! Hope it was worth it! Thanks also to my buddy Bam Katraz for some inspiration too-- here's a link to his own blog: http://bamkatraz.blogspot.com/ (Bit of a plug, there.)
If you’ve gotten to the end here, thanks for reading, and… eh… “mind ‘ow you go”, as they say. Heh heh. Farewell.
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