FAVOURITE BOTCH
Like any other wrestler out there, I've had my fair share of botches - be it a blown spot, a flubbed line, or just something that hasn't gone quite right. My personal favourite, though- simply due to just how much of a wally I ended up looking like- was for a German promotion called Saarland Wrestling Organisation (SWO) from 2009.
I'd travelled over from Dublin, and was due to work the evening show against a worker called Bernd Foehr. (Bernd, incidentally, was a lovely guy, and we had two very enjoyable matches, in both SWO and next year for Alpha Pro Wrestling.) I also had an impromptu match on the matinée show, earlier in the day, against an American worker called CorVus; also a really sound chap. We didn't have a whole lot of time to plan, so most of the match (if I recall correctly) had to be called on the fly, which was fine. One miscommunication, however, led to an unfortunate (but amusing) botch, on my behalf. I'd called to CorVus- through wrestling 'shorthand', as it were- that I was going to whip him to the far corner, hit him with a clothesline, and that he was to stagger out behind me, so I could catch him with a springboard crossbody in the middle of the ring. I whipped him, he took the buckle, I hit him with a clothesline, then took off, sprung off the top rope on the other side of the ring.... and crashed to the mat below. I groaned, rolled over, and saw CorVus still standing in the far corner, selling the clothesline! I can only imagine how it looked to those in attendance, but from my own point of view, I thought it was pretty fucking funny! Aside from that miscommunication, I actually liked that match with CorVus quite a bit.
Here, in a vertical position, for SWO's show in Kaiserslautern, in Germany.
For a guy that springboards a good bit, I've been quite lucky not to fall on my ass too often, or botch particularly badly. That SWO botch, though, stands up as one of my favourites for its sheer ridiculousness.
FOLLOW THAT!
Crowd interaction is the lifeblood of any match and, as I'm sure any wrestler will tell you, trying to work a match in front of a dull, listless crowd is probably one of the most soul-destroying things you can experience. (Certainly, I would say that, at least!) I remember working a pretty damn good outdoor match with Seán Maxer in Portadown, a few years ago, where we were just stared at by a load of slack-jawed, dead-eyed proles. Definitely irked me, for the effort we put in.
Sometimes, though, different factors can kill a crowd, and make them less responsive: a show running long, a match with too much drama to be topped by any subsequent bout (like Orton/Triple H having to follow 'Taker/Michaels from WM25) or something else entirely. Two memorable such moments stand out to me.
The first was from May of 2007. I was defending the IWW Zero Gravity Title in a Fatal Fourway for English promotion PTW against Ross Jordan (RJ Singh), Seb Drea and Matt Naylor. The match itself, I have to say, was a lot of fun - three great talents to work with. We had to follow something utterly surreal, though.
PTW had been in a local feud with another promotion (ACW, if memory serves) over control of the Luton area. Midway through the show, one of ACW's guys- a fella called Bull Harley (worker name, I assume)- stormed into the venue, roaring for PTW promoter Petey Staniforth to show himself, as he'd apparently slandered him on the UKFF, calling him a paedophile, amongst other things. A pull-apart quarrel ensued, Harley left (or was ejected - I can't remember) and Staniforth elected to rant, and share the incident, with a bemused, befuddled and bewildered audience, mere minutes before Seb, Ross, Matt and I were due to go out and work the main event! It was tough work getting the crowd back, I have to say, but we got there.
The conclusion of the IWW ZG Fourway against Seb Drea, Matt Naylor and Ross Jordan (pictured) for PTW. A fun match, in spite of the circumstances
The second moment was definitely not light-hearted in nature. (Not that the first was, either, but it was more amusing to this Irish bystander. Nevertheless...) At a 1PW show at the Granby in 2008, I was working Lionheart in the second half of the show, following a tag match between Hubba Bubba Lucha (Bubblegum & El Ligero) and Scottish team Fight Club. Bubblegum, very unfortunately, had injured his neck during the match, and had to be legitimately stretchered out of the place, and taken to hospital. The crowd, understandably, were concerned for him, as was everybody backstage, and a subdued hush fell over the place. Lionheart and I were then tasked with the rather Herculean challenge of trying to get them back into the entertainment. Again, a tough job, but it was a solid match, and the crowd actually did their part, and made the effort to get behind us and help out, which was much appreciated.
FAVOURITE VENUES
I've had the pleasure of working in a good variety of places over the years, but I would definitely have a few venues that I hold in my memory a little more dearly than others. One would be the Le Chéile (Irish for 'together') Community Centre in Donnycarney, in Dublin. Along with being a stone's throw from where I lived at the time, and live now, it was an awesome place to wrestle, and was host to a number of lively and exciting IWW shows that I was a part of. I defended the ZG Title there in a fun Donnybrook Match with Red Vinny, Bubblegum and El Ligero in early 2007, had a pretty damn good Triple Threat for the belt with Vinny and LA Warren later that year, and battled Vic Viper, Bam Katraz, Vinny and Scotland's Liam Thomson in 2008 in a thrilling 5 Way match. Irish Whip pretty much always drew good numbers in Donnycarney, and it was a blast to get to perform in front of loud, energetic and appreciative crowds.
Nailing frequent opponent (and occasional partner) Red Vinny with a bulldog in Donnycarney- March 2007. (Thanks to Mark Lyons for this shot)
Balbriggan Community Centre is also an old favourite of mine. Along with the Zero Gravity Tournament victory there in January 2007- an amazing night- I had extremely pleasing battles with the likes of Bam Katraz, Red Vinny, Brother Skelly, Kid Fite, JP Monroe, Irish Dragon and Andy Phoenix, amongst others. The Balbriggan fans were terrific, and I always enjoyed working there. Though there were minor misfortunes- like dropping my wage from the ZG show (and the three matches I'd worked) from my bag in a rush to get the last train home, and wrestler/ref Rick O'Shea being chased through the town by hooligans- the bad was definitely outweighed by the good, and Balbriggan holds many dear memories from my ten years doing this.
Prepping Kev Dunphy for my G-17 finisher in Balbriggan- Jan 2007. (Thanks for Wesley Donohoe for this pic)
Any time you get to wrestle in front of huge audiences is fantastic. Working at the Doncaster Dome for 1PW in 2008 was cool to have done- along with a brace of shows for PBW at the Magnum Centre in Irvine (another great venue)- but the three shows for WrestleZone in Aberdeen's Beach Ballroom have been amongst my favourites. Great venue, great crowds, and a really wonderful group of people to work with. I had one of the best matches of my career there, with Stevie Xavier in 2013, and had a ball working with Andy Wild, Shawn Johnson and Kenny Williams in 2014 & 2015 in front of upwards of 1,300 people. Incredible.
Hitting the G-17 on Stevie Xavier at WZ's first Aberdeen Anarchy show- June 2013. (Thanks to Baba for this photo)
...AND NOT-SO-FAVOURITE VENUES/PLACES TO WRESTLE
I wouldn't class these at all as places I haven't enjoyed wrestling, but I would say that the shows I've worked for Wrestling.IE over the last few years have been challenging. Backstage, the theatre shows have been a dream to be at: loads of space to wander around and kick back, and very, very comfortable. Along with that, they photograph well, and can fit a good-sized crowd. Unfortunately, though, one of the problems with performing in a theatre is you're not performing 'in the round', as it were, and to four sides of the audience. If the crowd is particularly far away (as they were in Downpatrick) it's difficult to get them involved and responsive. Thus, my preference is to work with the crowd on all four sides- makes it a little more difficult to get away with sly calls, but it's worth it for having the audience all around you, and closer to the action.
Crowd positioning aside, anywhere that's tight on space backstage generally grinds my gears big style. I like to have a bit of room to warm up, stretch out, and go through the match with the guy(s) I'm working with, or just on my own. Places where that's been especially difficult were the likes of the Granby in Doncaster (pretty much no room behind the curtain), a venue in Dunston (where we had to change in a small garden out the back of a pub) and another in Gateshead (where all the workers were piled on top of each other in a small room out the back, and there was barely enough room to swing a cat - made the whole exercise of smuggling a striped tomcat in my carry-on luggage disappointingly redundant.)
MEMORABLE 'EWWWW' MOMENTS
Yep, there have been a fair few o' these, alright. Like a shellshocked 'Nam veteran, the frequent flashbacks of ass crack from my training days still haunt my waking hours! Seriously, though, the sight became so regular a feature of training that I grew completely desensitised to it. Another trainee once commented that the longer training went on, the less appalled I became, and my reaction became more of a grudging acceptance, mixed with disappointment. Well observed.
Worse, though, than the ol' plumber's crack was one trainee who actually shat himself after taking a bodyslam from yours truly. His choice to wear grey sweatpants that day was ill-advised, to put it mildly.
Most of the guys I've been in the ring with, I have to say, have had pretty good personal hygiene. One chap I worked with about five years ago, though, absolutely stank to high heaven, and it was a rather unpleasant experience sharing the ring with him, as harsh as that sounds. His musk would linger in a room long after he'd departed, and his excessive body hair didn't help matters. Stuff like shaving your armpits is something I've always believed in, from the day I started; along with it being more aesthetically pleasing for an audience, it shows a bit of consideration for the guy(s) you're working with, so that they're not getting a mush full of your 'pit hair if you're cinching in a headlock on them! At any rate, my opponent, on this occasion, didn't share my belief, and I wasn't the better for it, I can assure you.
...AND HEART-STOPPING MOMENTS
Most of my heart-stopping moments came from training, and from seeing people either hurt themselves or nearly hurt themselves. The top rope snapped once when a trainee was running them, and he went flying to the floor below. To say my heart was in my mouth would be an understatement! Thankfully, he was fine. On another occasion, trainee Keith Hagan (who I had a number of very enjoyable matches with in 2008) got concussed from a double-flapjack in training. He'd been launched so far that he missed the crashmat, and hit a part of the ring where the padding had slipped away from. (When head hits wood, wood always wins.) I was kinda bricking it that his mother was gonna give me the third degree when she turned up to collect him, but she was very sound and understanding. As Keith later told me, she was more surprised that my last name was actually Ballance!
Worse, though, was an accident that befell a nice young lad called Jason, who'd travelled to training from Laois ("Leash") on a number of occasions. Unbeknownst to all of us- and he, himself, I'd say- Jason had a blood clot in his brain, and it burst during training while he was straining to apply a single-leg Boston crab on another trainee. He suffered a brain haemorrhage, an ambulance (and his dad) had to be called, and he was in a coma for a few days. A few of the guys who were training there that night were quite shook-up by the experience; as was I, I have to say. I took the role of trainer seriously, and it never sat easy when someone got hurt on my watch. Thankfully, though, Jason recovered fully, and I see him every so often when passing through Laois, on the way to CCW shows.
SOUND VETS
Doug Basham was a class act, and it was great to have him around in 2008 & 2009. Still gutted I didn't get to work him. Seemed to be a complete waste to have him working Mandrake over and over for about twelve shows. Not a knock on Mandrake at all, but it would've been good to mix it up, and give everyone the benefit of Doug's experience. Tracey Smothers was always cool to have around, and seemed to enjoy himself, and Balls Mahoney was nice, too, when he was sober! (A particularly vivid memory stands out from 2008 where we were dropping Balls back to his hotel in Dublin- from a show in Newry- and he was still in his gear, kneepads and all, and bleeding from the forehead. Made quite the impression on the Travelodge receptionist.) 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan was a very nice man, and it was good to meet him in 2013, and Bob Holly struck me as another class act, from meeting him a few weeks ago at WZ.
NOT-SO-SOUND
Vito (formerly of WCW and WWE) behaved like a complete prima donna in a promotion where he was a guest. Raven, likewise, was a whingebag, complaining that there were non-workers (refs, IWW trainees and staff) on a coach bus down to Cork, from Dublin. Not cool, lads.
REGRETS?
One or two, to be honest. Regretted never getting the chance to avenge a train-wreck of a match I had with Kid Kash in 2007. I was capable of better, but it was what it was, and the dynamic of the match was more adversarial than collaborative, so it just wasn't good at all. Kash was with the promotion for the rest of a tour, but we didn't cross paths again. For my own part, I wanted to prove - to myself, not to him- that I could have a good match with the guy.
I also regret never having gotten a WWE tryout. I had a TNA one in 2011, but I knew it was just a cynical, money-making exercise for them, the whole GutCheck thing. Against my better judgment, I signed up, paid the application fee, and gave it a shot, under the heading of "nothing ventured, nothing gained." Being completely straight-up, if you'll pardon the immodesty, I was better than most of the guys there, but I knew TNA had their favourites from the off, so there was never a chance. Part of me was pissed off that I didn't get a look in, but another part of me knew it was inevitable. Regardless, I was happy with how I did, and it was an experience, for better or worse.
Lining out at the TNA GutCheck in London- January 2011
Not getting a chance to try out for WWE, though, when other- excuse the bitterness- much, much less deserving workers have done does irk me. I'm genuinely a realist - I know my strengths, and I damn sure know my flaws better than anyone else; saying that, though, I don't think the idea of me trying out or even working for WWE/NXT is that crazy or ridiculous. Certainly, during my 20s, I dare say that I ticked a good number of the boxes. It's a moot point, though, at this stage. I just regret never having gotten the chance to show what I can do, and give it my best shot; not for a lack of trying!
THE THINGS THAT MATTER
More than anything else, the amount of good-hearted people I've met through wrestling has helped make it all worthwhile. The crew we had in Irish Whip back in the 2006-2008 period was terrific, and it was a fun time to be a part of. Getting to run the Training School was a genuinely gratifying experience, in spite of the frequent struggle to meet the exorbitant rent. The School's closure in 2008, following a particularly lean period, was gutting, but I'm forever grateful for- and indebted to- the lads that came down every week, rain or shine: Colin, Keith, Hynesie and Seán were a pleasure to train with, and helped ease the burden of the falling attendance. I was pleased that they got their chance to shine on the few Gym Wars shows in 2008, before the place closed. The closure did lead to one thing, though, that still stands as one of the kindest things anyone's ever done for me: on the last day of training, the trainees presented me with a framed commemoration, with comments and dedications they'd written. Surprising, but touching, and I still have it, to this day.
My commemorative frame from the trainees of the IWW School. Awesome.
The last day of training, in August 2008
Without getting overly sentimental, or downright soppy, I'd be seriously remiss if I didn't offer a few thanks:
A thanks to the vast majority of people I've been in the ring with who have kept me safe, and helped me do what I do. You can't have a good match on your own, and I've been extremely privileged to have shared the ring with such great talent over the last ten years.
Thanks to the promoters who have given me a shot to work on your shows. An especially hearty thanks to the select few who conduct themselves professionally, and have treated me soundly and with respect.
To anyone who has supported me over the last ten years - thank you. Truly. To know there are people out there who value your work, and what you do, is an indescribable feeling. (Well, maybe it's not that indescribable: "awesome" is a fitting description.) I truly appreciate that.
And I'm not done yet.
(Credit: John Morrissey)
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